just a coincidence, i'm sure... (and a second coincidence as well)

the following is a post i wrote on March 2, 2013, but i didn't publish it then.  but now as i look back at my drafts, i reread this and think, wow. how long do i need to learn the same lesson....?  

so here it is, 6 months later, but just as relevant...

two days ago, as we were putting illy down to sleep, we read her a bedtime story out of "the sweetest story bible".  it was the scripture where the disciples and Jesus are at sea and Jesus falls asleep.  then a huge storm comes, threatening to capsize their boat.  the disciples call out in fear, Jesus awakes, and commands the wind and the waves to cease.  they are amazed.

yesterday night i was doing dishes and overhear brian reading to illy from "children of God storybook Bible". this particular story was titled "Jesus calms the sea".  hmmm, i thought, that's funny - we just read that same story last night.  i continued doing dishes.

and this morning illy is taking a rockstar nap...working on 2 hours!  i read my proverb and a bit in mark, like i have been doing the past several weeks.  and i decided to just read a bit more.  the next passage was...you guessed it -  mark 4:35-41, "Jesus calms a storm".

so what is going on in my life that so desperately needs to hear this word?  ooh, idontknow.  i'm not sure i realized just how stressed this week has been, except for the fact that i word vomit on brian as soon as we get home from work.

ironically, life did get a lot more complicated (and stressful) just a couple of weeks after i originally wrote this post.  thankfully though, the story is the same: Jesus can calm any storm.

so maybe it's no coincidence.  maybe it is His sovereignty looking over me and i finally had eyes to see.    

proverbs 31

Open your mouth for the mute, 

   for the rights of all who are destitute.

Open your mouth, judge righteously, 

   defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Proverbs 31:8-9

You always hear about the "Proverbs 31 woman" - who knew such a call for advocacy also lay here?!

disguised in pain

four years or more ago i would have told you that one of my greatest fears is that i would never be able to be pregnant.  it was not a fear birthed (no pun intended) out of anything rational.  just one of those things.

three years ago, i got married.  :)

two months ago my husband and I found out we were expecting.  a very exciting time as we began to anticipate future.... everything...!  

(two months ago i had my first real fear of miscarriage.)

three weeks ago we received our first ultrasound and got to see and hear the heartbeat of our first baby. nothing in the world can prepare you for that moment.

about one week ago i went to my doctor for an emergency appointment and we were told our baby had stopped growing just a week or so before.

and that day, six days ago, was full of emotion, shock, tears, and disappointment.  it was the hardest.  especially seeing on the ultrasound image the same baby without a heartbeat this time.

so... seven days ago we were expectant, eager parents-to-be.  and one day later, we were crushed with a realization of an unfulfilled hope.  

brian and i took that day and the next off work.  we grieved and cried and prayed together.  and during those 36 hours, God has provided so much peace and care in our lives that i need this blog to 1) process it all and 2) tell of His blessings.  so here i go....

i know many people choose not to publicly share their exciting news until the end of the 1st trimester because the percentage of miscarriage is so high during this time.  i was one of those people.  i did tell family and close friends, and thankfully so, because their words of love and support was what helped carry us through last week.  and ironically enough, now that the unthinkable has happened, the last thing i want to do is hide everything.  to an extent, i have a natural desire to pretend like things are fine and dandy, but i don't know.....i feel insincere.  as a person, as a christian. doing that.  and for some reason, i've felt really convicted on that front to open my heart and life up to true community, to allow others to see transparently into our struggle and to give others the opportunity to love. which is, i suppose, another reason why i feel compelled to write it down in this way.

the day after the awfulness, i felt like i was able to do some processing, like a switch was flipped from emotional to non.  because well, sometimes, in ... life, my asian, realistic, objective self takes over at times (and this time, i am grateful).  i was able to see things a little more clearly.  and the clearest thing of all was how much i love, love, love brian.  experiencing this together makes me realize just how blessed i am to be his wife, and to love and be loved by him.  i feel 10x closer to him than before.  he is my favorite.  i would never wish that this for anyone (although i know many many women have similar experiences), but i am grateful in a way that i can't explain for having this opportunity to fall in love with my husband all over again.   <3

also, during this time, some people have shared 'encouraging' words like, God doesn't make mistakes.  meant as a reminder that God is in control, i know.  but i also know that God never causes something like this to happen.  this unfortunate situation happened because we live in a sinful world full of evil and hurt and pain that does not belong to the kingdom of God.  His kingdom is coming, but not yet.  and while we wait, i rely on the hope and promise that God does work good in all things for those who love Him (Rom. 8:28).  with that in mind, i can't help but think maybe there is a direction God wants to take us in now.  we mailed off our completed peace corps medical forms just weeks ago (if only to get reimbursed for the expenses to get the forms completed).  but now, who knows?  maybe this is a new direction for us now.

so as we consider all these things, we can't help but be overwhelmed with thankfulness.  not only did God bless us with peace that day (and peace the day after and after), and not only did we feel His love pouring from those around us who hurt and prayed with and for us, we also have been able to grow in our understanding of our magnificent God, in bounding leaps toward Him and His mercy and grace.

oh, and one more thing.

remember four or more years ago when i was afraid of never being able to have children?  and two months ago when i was anxious and concerned about miscarriage?  well now i'm not afraid of either anymore.  when i was finally confronted with the unknown and forced to deal with it, i realized 1) i am not in control and 2) God is.

::mercy:: the language of love

and in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me "My Husband," and no longer will you call me "My Baal."

and i will betroth you to me forever. i will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. i will betroth you to me in faithfulness. and you shall know the Lord.

and in that day i will answer, declares the Lord,
i will answer the heavens;
and they shall answer the earth,
and the earth shall answer the grain, the wine, and the oil,
and they shall answer Jezreel,
and i will sow her for myself in the land.
and i will have mercy on No Mercy,
and i will say to Not My People, "you are my people";
and he shall say, "You are my God."

hosea 2:16, 19-23

normalcy can be our death sometimes....

what do you think is "normal"?

owning a house? 
getting married? 
having a dog? 
climbing up the corporate ladder? 

and what do you think is "crazy"? 

at the risk of sounding elementary, maybe it's everything that's not normal...? 

last week i was confronted with a completely new experience.  it was something i had read about in a book, but never faced it personally.  one of our refugees decided to quit his job, turn in his food stamps, give back his bus card, leave his apartment, and refuse any kind of government assistance.  crazy, isn't it?!

is there anything in the world that would give a rational person the drive and motivation to do this?  especially now.  because it snowed last weekend, and tonight is getting down to 18 degrees.  and he is, out of his volition, in the cold without a home or food or money... 

well, i'll tell you the other half of the story: this man has the most sincere conviction that the reason he is on this earth is to tell others about God and his Son, Jesus Christ.  and for that, he is willing to give up all things to live it out to the extreme.  not for the sake of being extreme, of course, but personally, he sees God as the provider and protector of his life.  

"but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."
matthew 6:33-34

so is it crazy?  or am i not trusting God in all his promises?  to be honest, i do worry about him, being out in the cold, with not very friendly people out there.  but i think mary was probably worried about Jesus a lot too, not having a place to rest his head or call his home.  

i have two requests:
 - please pray for him with me.  pray that God will keep him safe and bless his efforts.
 - and maybe, rethink "normal" and be challenged that the world's definition of normal is not God's standard.

not by a long shot.

namaste! meero nam kristin ho!

hello!  my name is kristin!

and i am in love with the nepali culture!  

i want to give you a brief background on nepali refugees.  these people are from bhutan and lived in bhutan until the early 1990's when they were forced out because they are of nepali descent.  they speak nepali, dress nepali, look nepali, breathe nepali.  so since then, they have been living in refugee camps in nepal.  the last 18 years.  eighteen years. 

but the UN is resettling this people in different countries, and i am so very blessed to be able to enter into their lives at this point of the story.  

you would never have guessed, i'm sure, but high point, nc has a fairly large bhutanese population.  and they are a community people, and well, this past weekend they had one of their community "events".  

some of my bhutanese friends dressed me up in a sari (!) and it was beautiful - i felt beautiful. 

 

then we headed over and spent the evening with about 50 other bhutanese refugees, eating and talking and dancing and laughing.  

now i was most embarrassed when i was called out over the sound system to dance in front of a very large audience.  i won't show you a video of that - you can thank me in my comments - but i will show you a video of someone else dancing.  it's quite amazing...!

and here's another one, if you're still interested... 

the bhutanese are really a beautiful people, inside and out.  i love getting to know more about nepali everything.  and one last picture before i end this post.  here is a photo of the first bhutanese family i met when i started working at world relief a year ago.  the bhandaris....  lovely :) 

namesake post

i have never even considered writing a blog before.  but there was one moment that happened to me, and after that, i thought, i want to document this.  so out of that moment came this blog.  i want to share it with you: 

i work with refugees, and i absolutely LOVE my job.  

a refugee is "a person who flees for refuge or safety, especially to a foreign country, as in time of political upheaval, war, etc" (dictionary.com).

one sunday i went over to a refugee's home to visit.  she is from eritrea, a small country to the north of ethiopia.  some other refugees were there as well.  like bereket.  he is a 23 or 24 yr old eritrean who doesn't speak more than a few words in english.  back in africa, he was an ordained orthodox priest. here, he is often a disrespected, "uneducated" foreigner.

and this sunday, after church, we both had our Bibles with us.  i motioned to his, and he showed me the tigrinya script.  then i showed him mine.  "Christian?" he asked me.  i nodded and said, "Christian."

then he began flipping through my Bible, obviously looking for something.  he said, "john".  so i showed him john, 1 john, 2 john, and 3 john.  but just john.  then he flipped back a couple of books from john to matthew.  (i think what happened here is he wanted to find matthew, but didn't know the english word for matthew.  but he knew john, and he knew where matthew was in context to john.)  then he gave me back the Bible and said, "11.  28."

i looked up matthew 11:28.  and it says:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

then he acted it out, pointing to heaven, and taking the yoke off of his shoulders.  and then with his fists and arms in the air like he was showing off his muscles, gave a victorious smile.

as we went back and forth sharing verses that meant the world to both of us, i was struck by how universal God is.  he loves all.  and gives victory to all.  and he asks me to love all.

in that moment, i realized that love - God's love - speaks any language.  God's love speaks every language.