It has been less than 2 weeks since I left my job at World Relief, which I currently and emotionally refer to as “the best job I will ever know”. I have experienced a range of emotions, many of which have knocked me off my feet, as I did not realize just how deeply I would feel taking this new path. Since my mind is a jumbled mess these days, I’m only going to attempt to process these thoughts in a bullet point format; forgive me.
- Not having a schedule is underrated! Freedom has been redefined for me. Shackles are gone, and I am reveling in this newfound, non-Finance Manager kind of lifestyle. My days are no longer bound by the chores I need to get done because - heck! I don’t work; I can always do it tomorrow!
- Being home with my girls 24/7 is not as scary as I imagined it to be. Ok, ok - so before you judge, I have always enjoyed spending time with my girls. But there are layers of stress like any parent would understand. Much of the stress I anticipated, however, has eased now that I’m home. They are not constantly vying for my attention or needing to be held any time I’m around. And I am not always distracted by what household responsibilities need to get done before I go to work the next day. We can just BE together, and it’s been wonderful.
- I have felt lost. While I *know* my identity is first found in the grace of God, I identified so deeply with my role, mission, and relationships at World Relief. And all of a sudden, it’s gone, or at least changed. And it has taken some time to figure out what crosses over and what needs to be edited in my new role as a stay-at-home mom.
- This next one needs explanation - so bear with me - but my world feels much smaller, and if I’m completely honest, less purposeful. Working at World Relief brought the world to me. It taught me large life lessons, stretched the way I thought about humanity and my community, allowed me relationships with people who thought like me and who didn’t think like me. There was exposure to the wealthy, the middle class, the working poor, and those who can’t afford to pay rent and utilities. I met people of all different countries, cultures, and perspectives. And now? Well, now I spend the majority of my time at home, in a community with very similar social and economic luxuries.
A pendulum of these thoughts have swung back and forth in my mind for the past 10 days, making me a teary mess each and every day. I have felt consumed by my loss and overwhelmed by the responsibility of moving onto a new season of life. For some reason, I had put up this mental block that I needed to “break up” with World Relief. Sure, take what I learned and apply it elsewhere, but move on to something new. So, it was truly an enlightenment when my husband helped me come to this realization:
Being at home with my girls, ages 4 and 2, gives me the freedom and the responsibility to create an environment with eternal value. First and foremost, my role is to be a representative of God’s grace to my girls. And as I think through the “how to’s” of this, I realized that one of the most meaningful ways I’ve seen Christ in the world is through my work at World Relief, so why not start there with my girls? Teach them how to love by...loving; novel, isn’t it? But yes, show them God’s grace by seeing other people’s experiences of rescue. Allow them to understand justice by knowing stories of injustice. Grow in them a spirit of mercy, gentleness, and compassion as they understand and love others who have suffered hardship and who continue to love and give without judgement.
I feel silly that this is even an “aha” moment; it’s honestly more like a “DUH” moment. But all the same, it’s a “i’m so thankful” moment. I am excited to marry this passion of mine (serving refugees) to these loves of mine (my two beautiful girls). I have regained a sense of purpose and mission, and I know I wouldn’t be anticipating this new journey without where I have already been these last 8 years at World Relief.