2017 has been a doozy. There is no way I could have anticipated what this year held for me at its start. 4 family weddings. Trips to Hawai’i, LA, Ohio, Chattanooga, Bald Head Island. Executive Orders that directly impacted my job and my passion. Leaving my job. FT mom’ing it.
Amidst all of the year's craziness, my 2017 New Year's resolution has stayed close to mind. At times, it's kind of been the head-shaking, skin-pinching, are-you-sure? remembering of how this resolution is possibly coming to fruition. At other times, I've chastised myself for thinking I could measure it to any degree; it's just not that kind of resolution. But in those moments, I have felt a nag of conviction that my self-doubt and cynicism undermines the glory of this year. You see...God deserves all the praise and gratefulness and verbal and emotional exuberance I can muster: He has shown me more of Him, and in this, my resolution has been, to a degree, resolved.
I began the year with the sole resolution to know God more. I figured if I could manage this, it would fulfill all of the other ones I secretly hoped for (better wife, less need for control, healthier lifestyle, etc). It was kind of like a two-for-one deal, at the very minimum.
What I didn't realize was that committing to it was my first step towards knowing God more. It all began this time last year; around Christmas, I felt God was asking me to pray about whether I should leave my job at World Relief. The ‘yes’ to this question was quite possibly the most difficult ‘yes’ I have ever given to God. (Even more difficult than the actual ‘yes’ I gave a few months later to actually leaving World Relief.) And I think it was the most difficult ‘yes’ because it was the first one.
Now on the other side of this feared ‘yes’, I view that moment as the turning point of the year, or even, if I dare say it out loud, my adult life. Despite the fear I held or my need for control, I couldn’t let those be my deciding factors. It was, symbolically, the embrace of God’s will and word above my own. The intentional sowing of a seed that has produced beautiful growth, not to my credit.
I’ve been reading through New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton, a contemporary Cistercian monk, and this quote of his sums it up:
“If these seeds would take root in my liberty, and if His will would grow from my freedom, I would become the love that He is, and my harvest would be His glory and my own joy.”
So, 2018...a new year; new resolution? Not that 2017’s resolution was completely fulfilled - I mean, there’s always more to know of God. But as I reflect through the year, my heart feels more and more loyal to testifying that my first ‘yes’ of 2017 sowed the seed to the growth of the year. And as the year continued, I saw more areas God was asking for a willful surrender to self. Certain things are easier than others for me: quitting social media felt like a death, but it was destructive because of my desire to be seen and known. Deciding to not buy new clothing was less of a personal struggle, but it was a decision I had put off, even though I had felt convicted over the years with (non) fair trade practices and seeing the world consumed with materialism.
So, entering this new year with new possibilities, I resolve to say ‘yes’ to God’s leading. ‘All the time’ would set me up for failure, but ‘more and more often’ seems reasonable and in line with where God wants me anyway: faithful and trusting, but not limited to only what I do or don’t do. Because I’ll confess, the joy and glory of 2017 was beyond me and my doing. Praise God.
2017’s New Year’s Resolution PostAmidst all of the year's craziness, my 2017 New Year's resolution has stayed close to mind. At times, it's kind of been the head-shaking, skin-pinching, are-you-sure? remembering of how this resolution is possibly coming to fruition. At other times, I've chastised myself for thinking I could measure it to any degree; it's just not that kind of resolution. But in those moments, I have felt a nag of conviction that my self-doubt and cynicism undermines the glory of this year. You see...God deserves all the praise and gratefulness and verbal and emotional exuberance I can muster: He has shown me more of Him, and in this, my resolution has been, to a degree, resolved.
I began the year with the sole resolution to know God more. I figured if I could manage this, it would fulfill all of the other ones I secretly hoped for (better wife, less need for control, healthier lifestyle, etc). It was kind of like a two-for-one deal, at the very minimum.
What I didn't realize was that committing to it was my first step towards knowing God more. It all began this time last year; around Christmas, I felt God was asking me to pray about whether I should leave my job at World Relief. The ‘yes’ to this question was quite possibly the most difficult ‘yes’ I have ever given to God. (Even more difficult than the actual ‘yes’ I gave a few months later to actually leaving World Relief.) And I think it was the most difficult ‘yes’ because it was the first one.
Now on the other side of this feared ‘yes’, I view that moment as the turning point of the year, or even, if I dare say it out loud, my adult life. Despite the fear I held or my need for control, I couldn’t let those be my deciding factors. It was, symbolically, the embrace of God’s will and word above my own. The intentional sowing of a seed that has produced beautiful growth, not to my credit.
I’ve been reading through New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton, a contemporary Cistercian monk, and this quote of his sums it up:
“If these seeds would take root in my liberty, and if His will would grow from my freedom, I would become the love that He is, and my harvest would be His glory and my own joy.”
So, 2018...a new year; new resolution? Not that 2017’s resolution was completely fulfilled - I mean, there’s always more to know of God. But as I reflect through the year, my heart feels more and more loyal to testifying that my first ‘yes’ of 2017 sowed the seed to the growth of the year. And as the year continued, I saw more areas God was asking for a willful surrender to self. Certain things are easier than others for me: quitting social media felt like a death, but it was destructive because of my desire to be seen and known. Deciding to not buy new clothing was less of a personal struggle, but it was a decision I had put off, even though I had felt convicted over the years with (non) fair trade practices and seeing the world consumed with materialism.
So, entering this new year with new possibilities, I resolve to say ‘yes’ to God’s leading. ‘All the time’ would set me up for failure, but ‘more and more often’ seems reasonable and in line with where God wants me anyway: faithful and trusting, but not limited to only what I do or don’t do. Because I’ll confess, the joy and glory of 2017 was beyond me and my doing. Praise God.
Purpose. L I F E . It’s what we all want for 2017, isn’t it? In one way or another. And New Year’s Resolutions are set to help us achieve all of that.
I considered what goals I want to pursue to make this year the best yet, I felt overwhelmed and exhausted just thinking of all the organization | energy | intentionality | time I would need to put into // making my marriage better, loving others well, exercising more, eating healthier, etc etc.
Cheers to a beautiful, purposeful, full-of-LIFE 2017.
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